No Comments// Posted in West Sussex County Times Column by Mary on 06.30.14.
We often get so caught up in our ‘heads’ that we forget the importance of focus. It’s easy to become embroiled with life’s demands and forget to take time away to just be ourselves, to observe or simply to ‘switch off’ from external pressures.
This week we are going to excel at being present!
To start with let us look at some ways that prevent us from living in the moment:
- Slave to our laptops
- Heads bowed in honour to our mobile phones
- Television and radios continuously on
- Gossip and endless chatter
- External demands and internal pressures
Mindfulness isn’t a new concept, it dates back some 3500 years. But more than ever it’s becoming essential for wellbeing and health. It’s not about filling your mind with nonsense and clutter, it is about present-moment awareness.
So how can we achieve this?
Firstly, let us make sure we understand the importance of mindfulness. It’s not simply taking time for ourselves, although the benefits of such can’t be overstated. It is developing a new skill that encourages focus, wakefulness and non-judgements of self and others. It’s a great way to increase concentration levels and working memory whilst reducing the time we spend mulling over past conversations and events and the draining effects it can have on us.
- Meditate by focusing on your breath or a candle. Every time your mind wanders bring it gently back to focus.
- Mindful reading – concentrate on the words and sentences but remain aware of when your mind wanders.
- Breathe more slowly – using the diaphragm and do belly breaths.
- Only think about what you are doing right now, if other thoughts creep in send them away.
- Narrow your attention down to specific feelings and sensations that are going on in the body.
- Walking meditation – let your attention rest on feeling the body whilst walking; be aware of the sensation and the colours, sounds and smells around you.
Don’t expect to do these for more than a few minutes to start with, but as you develop the skill the time will naturally increase.
Mary Ancillette is a therapist and author of ‘Up to Me’ and ‘Perfect Choice’.
No Comments// Posted in West Sussex County Times Column by Mary on 03.02.14.
Can you remember talking to someone but felt frustrated, annoyed and generally disrespected as you sensed they were not listening to you?
This is because most people listen with the intention of either defending themselves or solving a problem.
For example, if you are relaying an incident that happened at work, is the person you are talking to responsive, attentive and listening to what has upset you? Or are they making assumptions, telling you what you should do or using it as an opportunity to talk about themselves?
And how guilty are we of doing much the same?
But wouldn’t it be great if we could develop better listening skills!
Take time to notice what is around you. Does the weather mirror your mood? Do your surroundings feel comfortable and secure? Does the sound of your feet on the floor as you walk seem more like a shuffle than a firm step? Are your breaths shallow or deep?
These are all ways we can connect with the moment and develop supreme listening skills.
But to progress this further we need to understand why we interrupt, speak over the top or ‘zone out’ when someone else speaks.
Ask yourself…
- Do I allow people the time to get their point across without interruption?
- Am I attentive?
- Do I make assumptions after the first few words are said?
- Am I thinking about what I am going to say next?
- Do I let my eyes and/or thoughts wander off?
These are all clues that we’re not truly conversing; we’re mimicking.
It takes years of practice to develop great listening skills but the next time you are in a conversation practice using one or more of these techniques.
- Imagine no one else exists apart from you and the person you are talking with; allow them to be your sole focus. If phones or TV are a distraction, switch them off.
- Imagine you are giving a radio interview; you can’t speak over each other otherwise the listeners won’t make sense of it.
- Check that you are being attentive and are not planning your response, if you are, bring yourself back to what is being said.
- Think about how you would want to be listened to.
As Stephen R Covey said – ‘Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.’
Mary Ancillette is a therapist and author of ‘Up to Me’ written under her pseudonym of Mary Ancillette.
No Comments// Posted in General by Mary on 03.01.14.
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No Comments// Posted in News by Mary on 02.06.14.
The talk will be held at Big Life Organics in Haywards Heath on 12th February 2014 – 4.30pm.
Not only will I be discussing Reverse Therapy – a unique therapy for certain medical conditions such as ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia and Depression, but will also expanding in to self help, understanding our emotional body and how to achieve happiness.
Using techniques developed over years, exercises and a step by step approach there is a wealth of information to take away with you – real food for thought!
No Comments// Posted in West Sussex County Times Column by Mary on 02.06.14.
For the month of love we are going to look at the purpose of our emotions.
For years we’ve been conditioned into thinking we need to keep our emotions under wraps in order to appear a balanced or a ‘nice’ person, but ultimately all this does is create a whole heap of problems.
Love, joy and happiness, for example, are considered acceptable to exhibit, as opposed to the other end of the spectrum where emotions such as anger, jealousy or fear are not.
There is no such thing as a bad emotion. All emotions are positive and are a signal or a prediction that something needs to happen. It could be that we need to keep doing what we are doing – such as emitted by joy, or that we need to be treated with respect, protected against being exploited or have our wishes taken seriously when experiencing the emotion of anger.
Our emotions are our principle indicators to a given situation. We can’t fake them or force them to happen… they are our ‘true voice!’
So why do we ignore them so often?
We worry about how to express them and what others will think of us if we do. This makes us rely on our heads to work things out (which rarely gets it right!) rather than get our needs met.
We often see people shouting or screaming as a way to vent their anger when a quiet assertion of their rights is quite sufficient; or suppressing tears when feeling sadness or lonely so as not to appear ‘weak,’ instead of gaining contact with other people.
The more we ignore our emotional contact the more likely symptoms of tiredness, headaches, poor sleep, loss of direction or even ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Depression and IBS will become apparent.
Emotions are cues to action:
- What are my emotions trying to tell me about the situation?
- What do my emotions want me to stop doing?
- What do my emotions want me to do instead?
- What do my emotions need me to say?
Take this month to be more emotionally honest with yourself – it eases tension, improves well-being and gains fulfilment.
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No Comments// Posted in West Sussex County Times Column by Mary on 02.06.14.
We’ve had our fill of festivities and are now turning our attentions to the year ahead.
Starting with good intentions is a great way to begin but how often do we let them slip? Strategies, and understanding the need for them, is the best way of ensuring our resolutions are a success!
In order to do this we need to look at the more fundamental aspects of why we choose a particular goal, and piece together the quickest way to achieve it.
If we’re driving a car, the fastest, most direct route is often more preferable – so we’ll use this analogy to help us with our focus.
First, take a moment to consider what is most precious to you and try to incorporate it into your life. If we allow our hearts or ‘gut’ feelings to ‘speak’ for us, rather than using our heads, we’ll get a far more honest response.
How much time do you give to these priorities on a daily basis? And what can you do right now to acknowledge them?
Often, the things we most care about get scrunched into the corner, so we need to ensure them pride of place. Headmind worries tend to ‘clutter’ our focus – New Year resolutions are a wonderful example of this. No matter how much we want to achieve them, old habits, poor conditioning and other people’s expectations of us ensure them short lived.
So to maintain our attention on the road ahead we need to discover what we really want and make that our focus. Be realistic; don’t expect to drive from Lands End to John O’Groats in one trip, break it up into manageable chunks. Each day is an investment, so treat it as such. And praise yourself…we don’t do that enough.
Ensure the journey is your choice and not somebody else’s wish. Often, the sway to please others ensures our wants get put on the parcel shelf! Take it at your own pace and appreciate this time is the start of something new, fresh and invigorating… where you are in the driving seat.
The journey is the point of the trip; it ensures your success and hence a sense of fulfilment.
No Comments// Posted in News by Mary on 12.16.13.
1 Comment// Posted in News by Mary on 12.12.13.
No Comments// Posted in About the Therapy by Mary on 11.19.13.
Face to face Counselling.
Online Counselling.
Telephone Counselling.
No Comments// Posted in About the Therapy by Mary on 11.19.13.
The reason people book for therapy are as varied as they are different.
Whether it is due to certain medical conditions such as:
- CFS/ME
- Fibromyalgia
- Depression
- Auto-Immune disease
- Post Viral Fatigue
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Or wish relief from:
- Stress
- Anxiety
- Emotional problems
- Are having problems with relationships
- Have suffered loss, bereavement or trauma
Or seek a better understanding of self in order to;
- gain focus
- success
- confidence
- health and well-being
This Life-Changing Moment solution is the way.
Using an educational process developed by Dr John Eaton – Reverse Therapy, combined with additional skills developed through years in practice, Mary compassionately and expertly steers the client through a complex array of emotions and symptoms to gain recovery.
On average, a typical treatment will last between one and one and a half hours in length and the number of sessions required are purely defined by the speed the client feels comfortable to work at. Reverse Therapy alone has amazing figures for recovery and taking CFS/ME as an example over 80% of clients complete in 6-8 sessions. However, I see those figures running closer to 4-8 sessions at my clinic as many clients actually take less than 4, with a few taking a little longer.
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